Thursday, April 24, 2008

Confessions

There's so much to tell, it's difficult to bear,

But i must not say, I cannot so dare.

So many secrets, so much is hidden,

With an urge to speak, my mind is ridden.


It's all a facade, nothing can i reveal,

Why still do my thoughts, so pained feel?

I tried to conceal and tried again.

Still do i feel an aching strain.

To everyone, there are things i hide,

In none can i truthfully confide.

My agony is true, the mask is not.

In silent anguish does my memory rot.


How do i restore, rid myself of the distress.

Is there no way out, other than to confess?

I'm tired, can't take it anymore

Too many secrets, my mind is sore.


The world before me seems anarchic, uncouth.

I cannot sustain this, but I speak not the truth.

I have become like the living dead,

Bear this burden someone, in my stead.


The veracity will be out soon, my wait will end.

I held on this long, soon I will transcend.

I will myself to endure, to ignore the prick.

I’m almost there now, and its happening quick!


Finally my wait is over. It’s all done.

I am victorious, I actually won!

No more secrets, no more confessions.

No more pain, no more questions!

Monday, April 7, 2008

The free mind - and Pimpri!

Sometimes, the mind speaks freely.

A barrage of unrelated thoughts. Complete confusion. But it makes sense. There’s no need to contemplate, there’s no compulsion to decipher, no exigency to analyze. It just makes sense. All I have to do is sit idle and let my mind speak to me.

Different thoughts, different emotions – all at the same time. I don’t letch for enlightenment, I don’t desire intellectual freedom, I just want time to think! Jubilation, joviality, rage, despair, frustration, love, hate etc. all these emotions come freely. I feel like I’m confounded, but, I’m not! I’m thinking more clearly than I’ve done for a long time! It’s never easy to think like that, there’s always something more important, urgent playing on the mind. Always something that solicits more impetus than idleness. So, its rather difficult to bring myself to behave like this, or to think like this! I wish for the license to think freely – which RTO officer to do I have to pay and how much to get that license? [;)]

Pimpri’s done me good. I understand India a lot better than I used to. It’s not what we read about, its not what we think about, its not what we imagine. On the ground, reality struck me hard, struck me across the side of my head. Two things I realized are of utmost importance here, one is money, the other is “contacts”. This side of the world, your intellectual capabilities count as much as your ability to ride a unicycle on a crowded Vallabh Nagar street. Let me not make it sound like Pimpri’s hell on earth, its not, but its close!

Back to the main point – money and contacts. If you have either of the two, you can live comfortably, if you’ve got both, you’re the king! If you have neither, you might as well pack up and take your ass back home cuz you aint surviving here! Let me narrate a story, there was this chick from Mumbai who came to live in Pimpri, she used to prance around the area leaving the hormone-infested jocks with their mouths wide open (sorry for being oh so crude, but it gets the point across). There exist some politically connected guys (ugly, frustrated but moneyed 20 something’s) who’s claim to fame is that they bring their cars and stand around the college in a large group heckling everybody that walks by, getting into fights for no reason at all, smoking, making loud conversations etc (you get the point, you’ve seem them too sometime, somewhere). Well these guys, seem to have their eyes on every new PYT that crosses paths with Pimpri. To this day, not one of them has ever got any attention, but that’s aside from the point. Well as the story goes, this chick used to keep garnering a lot of their attention. One of these cronies decided that she was to be his wife! (ah yes, wife). He attempted to approach her a few times, but nothing ever came of it, still, he was madly in “love”. Time passed, the chick continued to ignore these rowdy behemoths. Now is where the story gets interesting. There comes along this guy from Delhi, nice guy – decent, intelligent etc. The chick’s caught his attention too (like anyone doubted that), but then the difference is, she’s interested too. They meet, they talk, they go out a couple of times. Love is blooming. Until, the ogre finds out. One day there’s a scuffle somewhere around Pimpri, and upon inquiry, I realize that a set of behemoths entered Delhi’s house (hostel room) and beat the living shit out of him, tell him to stay away from ogre’s future wife. And walk away. Nothing more is heard of this, except that Delhi’s got a disfigured face, a broken hand, and several other bruises, apart from the bruised ego!

Delhi decides to fight but then is talked out of it cuz face it, once more, and they’ll just leave ashes! Delhi is distraught. Delhi is from Delhi, knows nobody here, doesn’t have the money to pay the police and get the ogre into trouble, doesn’t know enough people who’ve got the balls to take on the ogre one-to-one. (Oh, the ogre, however large he may be, never fights alone). That’s where the story ends for Delhi.

So, just to test his theory, this guy from Mumbai (all evidence points here) decides to play this trick. He knows this chick is interested in him (time’s passed since Delhi, and Mumbai’s a skirt-chaser), but he’s never really taken an active interest, cuz well, Mumbai’s in love with someone else, but that someone doesn’t live in Pimpri, and wouldn’t know about this trick. Anyway, Mumbai decides to play a game. He, takes the chick out, and just to spite the ogre, Mumbai walks around with the chick, right in front of the ogre and his friends. Now, ogre is fuming. Mumbai’s walked around with her hand-in-hand a few times in front of the ogre. He’s about to burst. Mumbai’s waiting, and waiting. But nothing’s happening. No confrontation, no fight, no beating up, nothing. Mumbai realizes why, his theory’s perfect. Mumbai has for a long time, known a very important person from the Nationalist Congress Party. Mumbai’s well known in the political circuit of Pimpri, Big Don NCP treats Mumbai like a son. Technically, Mumbai has no money, isn’t originally from Pimpri, but suddenly, people are afraid of him. He does as he pleases, and nobody has the guts to do anything about it.

But then, one day, the ogre approaches Mumbai. Suddenly Mumbai becomes aware that if this guy gets physical, Mumbai (who’s rather small build-wise), will perish even before his protectors can come and burn the ogre alive! The ogre approaches, and timidly tells Mumbai “you like this chick don’t you? If you’ve liked her all the time, you should’ve told me, even I liked her, but now that I know you do, I’ll let her go”

Mumbai sniggers. His theory is proven. He’s understood how this place works. Poor Delhi. Mumbai’s no more interested in the chick. He leaves her and goes back to his girl. Everyone’s bewildered, the ogre, the chick, Delhi, everyone. Except Mumbai. He’s just been enlightened!